is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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