my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
