And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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