I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
