I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
