Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
