I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
