I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
