Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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