and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
