Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
