she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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