Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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