You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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