how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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