okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
