Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
