It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
