Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
