I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
