Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
