I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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