I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
