I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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