anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
