I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
