What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
