There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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