don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
