I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
