According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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