Did you just see the Batmobile???
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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