Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
