is wine microwaveable?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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