im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
