i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
