it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
