once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
