He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
