Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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