I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
