bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
