He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
