you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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