i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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