im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
