I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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