currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
