Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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