About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
