Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
