anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
