Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
