Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
