Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
