So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
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I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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