she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
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Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
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Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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