Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
