my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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