Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
