well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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