He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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