Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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