I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
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So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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