So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
