I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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