Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
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Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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