Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
