I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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