He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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