That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
